Children playing in the snow. Stockings hung by the chimney. Spinning dreidels. The “kid’s table.”
Holidays are filled with reminders of the one thing you long for more than anything else: a baby. When you struggle with infertility, examples of holiday happiness feel like pointed barbs: The holiday letter filled with news of kids’ latest triumphs. Photos of happy families bursting with easily conceived progeny.
And then, of course, the endless questions at the endless round of parties and family get-togethers. “When are you guys going to have a baby?” Or even, “Any luck yet?”
Those who know about your struggles may be more sensitive, but it still hurts. Every question you have to answer, every new baby you see feels like a dig in your sorest spot.
At OC Fertility in Newport Beach, California, we understand that dealing with infertility is difficult, even when dealing with it in the privacy of your own home. But out in public, among happy family members, friends, and their children, it can be especially painful.
Sharon Moayeri, MD, Nidhee Sachdev, MD, and our entire team want to help you get through the holidays with ease. If you fear that your struggles with infertility may make holidays challenging, here are a few tips.
Even if you haven’t been able to welcome a new life into your family, you can start creating new family traditions. Instead of journeying to grandma’s or a cousin’s, host a party at your house or a public venue.
By taking control of the holidays, you won’t feel so at the mercy of other people’s expectations. Instead of feeling left out of parenthood, come up with games that’ll appeal to the kids in your life and enjoy how much fun they have with them … thanks to you!
Somebody, somewhere, sometime is going to ask you a question that hurts. Whether it’s done out of ignorance or a genuine desire to help, many questions or remarks about your plans for children may feel awkward or insensitive.
You and your partner can list questions you’d rather not answer … and then come up with answers you can live with. Rehearse them until they feel natural and unthreatening.
Make the experience as fun as possible by anticipating who among your acquaintances and family might ask the worst questions, then tailor your answers just for them. If you like to act or mimic, get into the swing of the game by impersonating the folks whose prying questions you most dread.
The friends and family you’ve relied on to get this far into your journey are with you for the holidays, too. Be sure to reach out to them when you start to feel down or overwhelmed.
Don’t worry that they’re busy with their holiday preparations and family drama: They’ll probably welcome a chance to vent their gripes while helping you with yours.
Arrange ahead of time to be each others’ lifelines when you hit a snag at a work party, family get-together, or other holiday celebration. If you’re attending parties with your partner, come up with an “escape word” or phrase that lets the other know it’s time to GO! Even sending texts to your friends or closest relatives can help you feel connected.
The pain of dealing with infertility is real. But so is the pain and loneliness many other people feel, especially during the holidays. Older adults in nursing homes, children in group homes, and those in the hospital would all benefit from the love you have to share.
When you cheer others up, you cheer yourself up, too. You may find that sharing yourself in this way becomes a new tradition … for the holidays or even year-round.
If you’ve struggled to conceive without success for a while, you deserve to know why. If you haven’t scheduled a fertility consultation, give yourself the gift of answering the question that burns foremost in your heart and mind: “Why can’t I get (or stay) pregnant?”
The answer may range from genetic problems or structural problems in either partner to rare causes of infertility, including a semen allergy. No matter what the reason, once we know the factors involved, we devise an individual treatment plan for you.
Although we can’t promise that by next holiday season, you’ll have the most precious gift of all sleeping cozily in your arms, fertility treatments and ART increase your chances. Get the answers you need by scheduling a fertility workup today. Contact us at 949-706-2229 or book an appointment online.
